Here I am again so exhausted and yet in so much pain and discomfort I cannot sleep. Sarcoidosis is such a crude spiteful disease! I am so beside myself at moments like these that I find myself being able to do nothing else but cry out to God. Trying to find any distraction, I peruse through the many internet options at my disposal and as usual I am drawn to a place of peace and comfort for me and that is worship music. Tonight I have stumbled across an old familiar song but it has taken on new meaning for me tonight.
The author of the “Power To Change” blog I stumbled onto highlighting this song, ” My Chains are Gone,” writes the following quote:
“I sing this to myself all throughout my daily routine, which is anything but routine. I realized that in order to feel free from my chains, I must first identify just what it was that was keeping me imprisoned. What is holding me back? What have I allowed to be a chain in my life for so long now that I barely even recognize it?” -Janet Morris Grimes
As the pain once again grabs at my feet, stings my big toe, then jabs me in the ribs, suddenly it hits me. My illnesses; Sarcoidosis, Diabetes, and Psoriasis are all my chains. They are weighing me down, disallowing me to “fly.” And yet, I wear them so proudly around my neck. As hard as it is to admit to myself, I want people to look at them, spend time admiring them, to care about them as much as I do. I realize of course that they don’t. How can they really? They are my chains. They belong to me, not them. But they have become so heavy. I just need to take them off. To let them go. I need to be set free.
Yes I am sick, but I also need to figure out how to live with that fact and do it in such a way that I am able to regain some sense of myself outside of sickness. I need to embrace this “new normal.” Make it a part of my life. Not my whole life. But, I can’t do it alone. I cannot remove these chains by myself. I am not strong enough. They’ve become too heavy. I think I can do it with some help though. And that help must come from the Lord. With His help I do believe it can be done. It will be a process, but layer by layer I do believe I can remove these chains. I can do all things Through Christ who strengthens me. Through His mercy, His love, and His AMAZING GRACE!”
“My chains are gone. I’ve been set free. My God, my Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood, His MERCY reigns. Unending LOVE. Amazing GRACE”